Hello beautiful Souls,
Welcome to Somatic Balance.108, I am Caroline Hey, your mindfulness practitioner. In this Blog Post, I will share with you how to peacefully communicate, invite and conduct an uncomfortable conversations.
First and foremost, be ready to have a factual based, and not overly emotional driven, conversation. There is little value in you pouring your unbalanced state onto a person when you actually want to have a chance to be made.
Please also be very aware that I am using the word conversation, instead of debate, interaction, or discussion.
A conversation happens when two or more parties allow each other space to be heard and be seen, be listened to.
Invite the person you want to talk to, by suggesting a time that might suits you both. If it is your partner, you might want to use the phrase:
“When it suits you, can we please have a conversation? I’d like to share something with you that sits with me for some time, now.”
“Do you have the emotional capacity to hold space for me? I need to share something with you.”
“Let me know when you have a moment as I would like to have an uncomfortable conversation with you.”
Don’t bulldoze them with the stereotypical we need to talk. This will only create more distance and ramp up their defense mechanism.
If you are addressing work matters, maybe try write an email to the person or department by suggesting your preferred time first. It is very important that you feel comfortable. Are you a morning person or an afternoon person? Will you need to have a break before or after the conversation? What is your preferred day of the week? Is the beginning of the week better for you? To get it sorted and proof for the rest of the week what you are addressing was valid. Or on a Friday, so you can hide at home over the weekend because it was very courageous of you to speak up, and you need a break from seeing them. You might want to phrase it around the lines:
“Hello …..(name of recipient),
I’d like to schedule a conversation with you on Thursday 10am. I have something I’d like to address with you which affects me greatly and needs to find some air time.”
When you starting your conversation, make sure you use “I- statements” to share how you feel/ what is impacting you.
Don’t start with “You made me feel this way.” – If you start with YOU, you lost them at the get go. Them breaking into defense mode and they are not listening to what you have to say, but when they get a break to interfere why they are right.
I-Statements will take the aggression out of the conversation as people are more likely to listen to you. Humans are designed to care. If you are sharing your pain with someone, their brain goes into “I want to fix”- mode. When you then follow “you”, and share with them what their part of that issue was, they can hear you without their barriers blocking their hearing. They will actually take is the information presented. You might just get your point across, and they might just want to change, adapt, help.
Major tip. Change your scenery. Break the norm. Don't have an uncomfortable conversation in each of the territories. Neither of you should have a "home advantage". Go for a walk! Fresh air helps to think clearly and allows more space for the one who is listening to not be exposed to an awkward silence when thinking about a comeback.
For more information or training, please book a 1 on 1 session here: https://www.carolinehey.com/contact